Tuesday, October 21, 2008

One Rwandan Grandpa...

Hey everyone! Thanks for tuning into my blog. Just had a few thoughts today that I thought I'd write down to process through myself and to share with others incase anyone else is reading this too.
Thought #1: I've been feeling really hungry for God lately and have been feeling this "there must be more than this" ache inside. Today I was looking and praying through some papers that I received when I went on a Freedom Immersion conference in Tacoma WA, this September and I felt God come so near. He reminded me of the first time I was in Africa, I shared my testimony with a group of people suffering from HIV/AIDS. It was the first time I shared as indepth as I did but there was something so receptive about these people. Maybe it was because they were broken people, they had been rejected by family and friends, but all I saw pouring forth from them was pure love. In the midst of love like that, I had to share everything. I didn't want to cheapen the moment and withdraw because of fear.
After I shared, there were hugs all around and this little old man with big ol' glasses came up to me and in the tenderest way, took hold of my elbows and looked into my eyes. He started saying something in Rwanda's native language, Kinyarwanda, and, even though I couldn't understand, I could, you know? I think that Africa's languages are heart languages anyway.
As he spoke to me, tears came to my eyes and a thought into my mind: "What if God is like this man infront of me and, if given half a chance, he wouldn't tell me what I needed to work on, or how I could attain perfect holiness, but would tell me how proud He is of me and how much He loved me?" I haven't remembered this thought for quite some time but today, while I was reading through papers from September, this thought came flying back.
I have to admit at this point that lately my quiet times have been quite dry. I've been challenged by working amongst a small group of non-Christians over the past 5-6 months and have been struggling with how to make the message of my life relate-able to them, where they are at. But often times I have become discouraged and wondered, "I look at my life and the lives of Christians around me and we are broken, struggling, sinful people... how do I convey this to non-Christians? I desperately don't want to come across as holier than thou, self-righteous, worst of all: condemning." I don't know if I'm making sense but essentially, the root of it is Grace - how do I convey the Grace that we as Christians have discovered and been given? The Great Love that I want to take hold of me and to have pour from my life.
Ok, so slightly off topic there, but I've been challenged and struggling lately and I feel like my struggle has begun to take on a slightly passive turn. Quiet times haven't been alive the way they used to and, at Bible Study last Thurs night, remembering the passion and excitement I had as a new Christian, I suddenly wondered why I couldn't still be like that... I missed it actually.
So today's time with this sweet memory of a dear Rwandan grandpa, brought tears to my eyes and it suddenly hit me how much God wants to meet with His children. It seems impossible to convey this with mere words in a sentence. God REALLY wants to meet with us. Do I dare to write that He is desperate for it? And really, deep inside, there is a part of us that is desperate for it too. With just this small encounter with God, dreams and words of destiny come rushing back. In Him, I realize who I am.
I dearly hope that your Quiet times are coming alive to you today - if they aren't, He is more desperate for this time than you are. Just ask Him for it.

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